I remember last year when I had that serious talk with you just one day before I made that life-changing decision.
I came to see you to say my final goodbye and not to ask for your permission. My mind’s made up that time. I was expecting you to get mad at me. I was expecting you to tell me to change my mind. But you did not.
You did not try to stop me. You did not add pain to my bruised heart and to my confused mind. You talked to me so gently and so lovingly and so calmly I was just crying the whole time. How could I hurt you and mommy like that?
You know I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life but you know me so well you said while crying that if I needed that, go ahead, you’ll support me and you’ll pray for it to work because you love me and you want only the best for me.
Months after I left, mommy told me you always cry thinking of me. Whenever I call and whenever mommy would pass the phone to you, you can only manage to utter a few words and then I’ll hear your broken voice and then you’ll give the phone back to her. That hurts me so much hurting you like that.
After six months and I have learned the hardest of lesson in life, I didn’t hear you say ‘you told me so’. When I arrived that night, you were so excited to see me, and that same night when I was just crying my heart out to mommy, you just let me.
You and mommy never asked me what happened. I came back, you welcomed me wholeheartedly, and you never asked me about anything. You and mommy might have told my brothers and sisters to do the same because from that moment, I never heard them ask as well and I never heard them bring that up until now.
You just let me cry for days and nights that lasted for weeks and when I’m ready to start anew, you supported me all out.
You never get tired listening to my application stories and now, I really see to it that all my decisions, I consult you and ask you what you think about it. You were so excited when I finally got to start on my new job.
You were always waiting for me to come home and I’ll share with you over dinner what happened the whole day. You were with me all morning when we had to wake up as early as 2am and we drink coffee together.
You were the one who had been so insistent on my having to enroll in a driving school when you found out I will soon have to drive a car as part of my work. When I drove home for the first time that car, you were so proud of me and you were so happy.
I always want to see you that happy, daddy.
I work hard these days because I want to make up to our family, to you, especially. I don’t want to hurt you like that again. I don’t want to disappoint you ever again.
For the first few months and we’re working until late at night, I was hurt when you thought I’m doing something wrong again. You told me not to lose the trust you are starting to give back to me. And I proved you that these are all work now and you probably saw my sincerity so you once again tried to understand me and be patient with me.
I am so happy to realize some of your dreams. Everything I know about Sales and business, I learned from you. Your love for driving and your 101’s, I’m trying to apply so you won’t worry about my safety.
I love when we drink beer or wine at home at night while watching TV. I love when we eat together. I love when you get angry at me for being all out to my mommy and brothers and sisters and to my nieces and nephews. I love when you told me last night to think of my self and not to give everything to all of you.
I love you because even when I’m no longer capable of loving myself, you’re there constantly loving me and reminding me to love myself more than anything else. I love you so much because you love me this much, my heart and my whole being is filled with so much love and understanding.
One of our managers texted me this morning extending his regards to you: ‘Regards to your dad too, coz he has done a great job in bringing up a daughter like you!’
Thank you, Daddy! I love you with all my heart and soul. Happy Father’s Day!