Why It Is and It Is Not a Good Idea to Stay Out of Committed Relationship

Next month would be the third year anniversary of my singlehood and I do not see anything wrong about the whole set-up of not being involved commitedly to another person – until this afternoon.

Good Idea: Meeting up at our agreed meeting place at our agreed time. Nah, I’m kidding, I’m late.

If we were a couple, I’m sure he’ll get mad at me. And we won’t just meet there because most probably he’ll insist on picking me up at our house which will pressure me to bits that will limit my time to fix my hair or my clothes or whatever.

But we’re not, so he’s still all smiles upon seeing me.

Good Idea: I’ve my own plan after our date so I can do what I planned to do and he can do the same thing. No pressure.

Okay, there is – a little. He wants us to go somewhere else after that.

If we were a couple, I will most probably agree to whatever he plans next to avoid awkward silence between us while we’re together or to prevent ruining such a beautiful day like today.

But we’re not, so when I said no, he tried using his charms instead. Still, I pushed through with my plans – without him and without hurting him for not inviting him to join in.

Good Idea: No PDA moment the whole time that seeing some workmates unexpectedly didn’t bring any fuzz.

If we were a couple, I will just let him – hold me here and there and try not to care at all and just become embarrassed when someone we know see us like that.

But we’re not, so he knows he’s only allowed some accidental brushing of arms, a little and quick touch of my waist or my back, minimal number of minutes touching my hand.

Bad Idea: Helping him prepare for his out of the country trip knowing he’ll be gone for so long – fine, not that long, just two weeks.

If we were a couple, we’d probably go there together. Or If, situations do not permit and we really can’t, I can probably at least have him limit it to a minimal number of days – enough for me not to go crazy waiting for him.

But we’re not, so I just helped him with that and just asked him when will he be back.

Bad Idea: Missing him and missing everything about him after all what’s been said and done.

Him driving. Him carrying what I bought. Him being there patiently waiting and finding ways for me to finish my to do’s for the day. Him sharing laughs and stories with me – the teasing, the fun, the assurance that there is someone other than my family and friends who is just there for me anytime.

If we were a couple, all these things will be our norm.

But we’re not, so as much as I want to ‘demand’ all these things from him, I won’t.

And as much as I want to convince myself that I’m ready for commitment again, I can’t, because every time we’re together, I think of all these things – the good and the not so good reasons of staying out of it – when I should be just risking it.


Chin-Ning Chu’s The Art of War for Women

I was having internal struggles/conflicts the past weeks/months that I decided to start my year with this book, ‘The Art of War for Women’ by Chin-Ning Chu.

I bought fifteen new books before the year started and out of those new treasures, this seemed to be the most appropriate at this time – ‘It’s about the Art, not the War’ it says.

So here are 32 valuable lessons I picked up from this book that I hope will help those who, like me, are facing/dealing some challenging things or tough times with their work/career:

1.You have to give up your attachment to clear-cut realities and instead embrace the whole spectrum of colors and paradox and ambiguity

I learned this early on during my salesman career – attach, detach. But it never gets easy.

2.Don’t look for rules or consistency. The only rule is, there are no rules

While I long have accepted that there are always exceptions to the rules, it’s quite hard for me to accept that there is none. Rules always give that sense of direction.

3.When you do the right thing for the right reason, the right result awaits

4.’Having it all’ means something different to different people

5.Always find a new job before you quit your old one

I have this principle when it comes to relationship and work not to look for another one when I’m still involve with one. I usually wait until it’s all over and done with the previous one before hopping on to the next. But it’s never successful – I always end up staying. Playing safe, it seems is the surest way to go.

6.Sell yourself first. Until you have convinced the world that you are worthy of great things, don’t expect to be given much responsibility

7.You need to take a giant step back. Understanding the opposition begins with understanding yourself

8.Live every workday as if it were your last day on the job, and you’ll be amazed at how focused and confident you’ll be

9.If you get hurt enough, eventually you learn

Hardest way but the surest way! 🙂 Nothing beats this one – tried and tested.

10.A unique resume requires some soul-searching

11.Win first, then fight.

12. Victory is not in your control but rather the gift of your enemy

13.No matter how hard you work, no matter how much you prepare, you will encounter things that you didn’t plan for – you will have to adapt

14.The battle plan will change as your opponents grow stronger. What will remain is you

15.Be nice to yourself first. Let the rest of humanity take care of themselves

16.You cannot climb the corporate ladder with glass slippers on; for that you need combat boots. It takes a warrior to climb a ladder – the point is, we need to choose

17.Notice the signals of timing hidden all around

18.The truth is less important than what your opponents believe to be true

19. You need to call on that power of perseverance when things are not going your way

20.We all need to simmer from time to time

21.Women from Mars never get to the top

22.There is something that all Venus women forget: there is always a younger Venus waiting to replace her

23.Earth women succeed

24.If you know how to handle one person, then undoubtedly you can manage a million people as a single unit

25. No good can come of praising or punishing people when they don’t deserve it – you need to impose discipline appropriately

26.The hotter the position, the hotter the seat

27. Why fight if you don’t have to?

28.You do not always know why people do what they do; they just do it

29. The courage to finish the job, that’s the killer instinct

30.Not every battle is worth the fight

31.When you play with fire, you get burned

32.The secret is endurance – change what you can, endure what you cannot

Saturday Thoughtsy: Long Break from Writing

‘We let ourselves loose on that simple blank piece of paper, and our bodies spill. The terror, the love … embodying our stories page after page. In a sense, the pen was our tongue, it is how we delineate the world’
Coco J. Ginger