RikkiTickTalkin’: To Whoever Wants It The Most

‘Going back into the past and reopening old wounds is neither easy nor particularly important. The only justification is that the knowledge acquired might help me to a better understanding of the present’ – Aleph

Day 2. Sunday. Im working as if it is Monday, driving from Pasig to Malabon to Makati to Imus (and back) when my favorite line crossed my mind (subconsciously motivating my self, I guess) – ‘to whoever wants it the most’ – success, that is.

I know in my heart I want Sales the most. I lived these words since I was finally given a chance to try it but I have been exposed to a lot of letting go’s and to a lot of attach-detach moments. Only one year and four months but boy, my fingers aren’t enough to count those times anymore – my dream award, my favorite accounts, my challenging projects, even the people I work with – it’s kind of disappointing. So I concluded somebody else must have wanted it more.

Two days of working with Charmaine in her area brought me back to my first few weeks in Frabelle and as always, it’s very humbling and rewarding. She wanted it bad as well, I can tell.

Until this just dawned on me – only one year and four months but boy, my fingers aren’t enough to count the changes in me anymore – my perception about things, the bigger picture of everything and the purpose of our existence.

No more award for me, definitely. No more specific account to grow. No more lead roles, just the supporting ones. No more of merely doing, but really acting on it and leaving a mark.

So I guess it really is beyond just wanting it – it is experiencing it the most – ALL of it: its successes and its heartbreaks.

RikkiTickTalkin’: Transformations

If there are two things I like least going to a bookstore, it’s losing sense of time and losing touch of the real world.

Hours after that visit to the wonderful world of letters and texts this afternoon, I find myself still floating – not literally, of course – just floating, as if on a high.

The feeling is wonderful. My mind’s restless but my inner being is experiencing pure bliss. And it’s scary and it’s great at the same time being able to connect deeply to each story as if those words are my own and those experiences are all mine – you know, as if life is just the same for every one (in a hard-to-explain way).

Call it timely or with divine intervention (oh, by the way, I am a strong fanatic of signs and stars :p), I happen to see this planner of Paulo Coehlo which has quotes from his book Aleph (see how crazy life sometimes is, I’m addicted to all these – planner, Paulo, Aleph) and its theme for this year is Transformations (coincidence?). Great.

I was just seriously contemplating this afternoon on ‘Be(ing) the best version of (my)self’ at 360 Fitness Club and I was just thinking drastically this morning improving all aspects of my life until I saw this – a good push perhaps.

The world is being created and destroyed in this very moment. Whoever you met will reappear, whoever you lost will return. Don’t betray the grace that was bestowed on you. Understand what is going on inside you and you wil understand what is going on inside everyone else

Maybe this is what is really going on inside me – I’m changing every single time without consciously knowing it and so is everyone else. But I’ve to make a reality check and yeah, I’ve to hurry.

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Just a Phase: Points in Paulo Coelho’s Aleph

I just finished reading Paulo Coelho’s book Aleph  and it left me smiling how the Universe seemed to conspire for me to get hold of it.

I was at that ‘phase’ when I am decided to throw everything away again for a reason I myself was not convinced – self fulfillment gone empty.

I was praying and praying but instead of finding justifications for my rather impulsive decision, the more I was being shown that I have all the reasons to stay and to continue my success story for the very simple reason that everything is a blessing from Him and I am, in return, is being a blessing to others especially to my family and to the people around me.

I came across this book one Saturday, when I promised my ate that I’ll take care of my nieces’ school needs (It’s the start of the school year here in the Philippines and kids really look forward to the day they’ll shop for their new bags, shoes, school supplies, etc.). 

My boss, having the biggest heart I’ve ever known, allowed me to leave work earlier than usual to realize this promise I made to my dearies who came all the way from our province in Quezon for this. I met them at SM Megamall and I’m so happy the whole time because it reminds me of me and my ate’s childhood days that even if it is so tiring, carrying my nieces JC and RJ most of the time, I feel like I’m being a big sister to my ate taking care of her kids.

When we were already at the National Bookstore for the kids’ school supplies, I saw the store’s current best sellers and this Aleph is the number one. I have no plans buying a book that time knowing that I do not have time for that these days but something told me I needed it without even looking at the back part to know what this book is all about so I included it in our purchase.

Exactly a week after that, I have finished reading the book.  Funny thing is, it is also the same day as my supposedly last day. Was I able to reclaim my kingdom the whole time I was going on with Paulo’s journey to finding where he wants to be, doing what he wants to do?

When I talk of right time, I talk of these points I got from Paulo and Hilal’s Aleph that made me realize we all go through phases like this at some point in our life, but reading this when I am exactly at this phase … it’s not just timely, I know this is divine.

So here are the 26 points in their journey that made me feel like I am reading my very own life notes in my 26 years of existence:

1. Now and then I go through periods of inner conflict that can persist for months … long enough to keep me frustrated because I can’t absorb everything I learn.

2. When a sense of dissatisfaction persists, it was placed there by God for one reason only: you need to change everything and move forward

3. Here I am trying to persuade myself that I always give the best of myself, and nature is telling me exactly the opposite: anyone truly committed to life never stops walking

4. We will always need to be humble enough to accept that our hearts know why we are here… We simply have to trust and follow the signs and live our Personal Legend; 

5. If I believe I will win, then victory will believe in me. No life is complete without a touch of madness.

6. I learned long ago that in order to heal my wounds, I must have the courage to face up to them. I also learned to forgive myself and correct my mistakes.

7. We need to be strangers to ourselves. Then the hidden light in our souls will illuminate what we need to see.

8. Routine has nothing to do with repetition. To become really good at anything, you have to practice and repeat, practice and repeat, until the technique becomes intuitive

 9. What hurts us is what heals us

10. Dreamers can never be tamed

11. We learn in the past but we are not the result of that. We suffered in the past, loved in the past, cried and laughed in the past, but that’s of no use to the present. The present has its challenges, its good and bad side. We can neither blame  nor be grateful to the past for what is happening now. Each new experience of love has nothing whatsoever to do with past experiences. It’s always new.

12. People aren’t used to that way of thinking. They want everything to stay the same  – and the consequence of that is pain.

13. You can spend your entire life blaming the world, but your successes or failures are entirely your own responsibility.

 14. It takes a huge effort to free yourself from memory … visit your soul; don’t visit your past

15. We are both creators and creatures, but we are also puppets in God’s hands, and there is a line we cannot cross, a line that was drawn for reasons we cannot know.

16. Being alone may make me more vulnerable but it makes me more open, too

17. Train your heart. That is the discipline every warrior needs. If you can control your heart, then you will defeat your opponent

18. The best way to prepare for a challenge is to cultivate the ability to call on an infinite variety of responses

19. The search for peace is a form of prayer that generates light and heat. Forget about yourself for a while and understand that in that light lies wisdom and in that heat lies compassion

20. We can never wound the soul … , but we can become imprisoned by our memories, and that makes our lives wretched even when we have everything we need in order to be happy

21. Let us concentrate all our efforts on achieving Perfection through the imperfect gestures of everyday life. True wisdom means respecting the simple things we do, for they can take us where we need to go.

22. Going back into the past and reopening old wounds is neither easy nor particularly important.

23. A warrior in search of his dream must take his inspiration from what he actually does  and not from what he imagines himself doing

24.Sometimes you have to travel a long way to find what is near

25. That’s what makes life interesting – believing in treasures and in miracles

26. Only two things can reveal life’s great secrets: suffering and love

At the end of my reading, I found light and I found myself getting out of that phase and found myself moving forward again to realizing my dreams by being here – in the present.

My friend L’s right, this is just a phase and true to what she said that this, too, shall pass – this has passed and I’m so back spreading my love. Hope you find your Aleph, too.

Love, Rikki.