Not Because I’m Still Single, I Still Have Feelings for You

There. I hope I have made myself clear this time.

I really have no intention dealing anymore with anything that has something to do with you but I just heard from a friend this morning that you are still making a big deal about some things. So, I sincerely hope this stops your illusions so you, too, could move forward with your life. I long already have, so please, help yourself, too, it’s more than a year, ‘boy’.

Not that I still care about you, it’s just that I already want to be completely out of any picture with you. It’s like wanting my life back when our paths haven’t crossed yet – it’s just that this time, my circumstances and my life are way better, happier. And I already thanked you a million times in my mind and in my prayers for making me realize this.

So when something like this pops out, like a friend suddenly telling me you said this and that and she still thinks this way about it … please, just please stop dragging me back to that world I already managed to step myself out from. And in case you’re still trapped in that time and at that moment, deal with it like a man – on your own. Like I said, without dragging anyone, without involving me again. Please.

I haven’t really spoken to anyone what really happened between us and as much as possible, I would like to keep it that way. Those who were involved need not hear it all over again and it would be unfair for you if I tell it to those who weren’t there because they will never be able to hear your side. You know how much I always wanted to be fair.

Since you still think things in my life now still have something to do with you, here:

I’m still single because I’m still getting the hang of knowing and loving myself more.

In ‘our world’ before, I traded everything I have for you. So, literally speaking, it’s more like me stepping in your world the whole time.

Because then I didn’t know I am capable of being happy all by myself. I always thought I needed someone, I thought I needed you. But while staying there in your world, I found my strength. Strength that I never thought I was capable of. But, you see, I pulled through and now I’m not scared to push myself more to my limits so I could understand myself better. In my world now, me matters. There is me.

I’m still single because I still haven’t fully made it up with my mommy and daddy.

In ‘our world’ before, I fully realized how one’s family really shapes up a person.

While there, in your world, I couldn’t be more thankful for the greatest revelation of my life: my being blessed with a family who doesn’t judge and who are caring enough not to take sides and for treating us as mature individuals capable of thinking this through on our own.

They didn’t get themselves involved but they were always there, letting us handle it our way the same way they were there when we both decided to get into that until that day I came back. They’re simply there – no questions, no judgments, no pointing out the mistakes they knew we were committing from the start.

And everything makes sense, and I’m still making it up with them. Just being here – no longer running away from them. In my world now, this long lost daughter was finally found.

I’m still single because I’m still taking my time reconnecting with the wonderful people I have almost taken for granted in my life.

In ‘our world’ before, away from everyone that I know and I love, I almost lost these great, great people.

While there in your world, I realized how spoiled I am for having all these people I left behind and how I have taken them for granted. While there in your world, too, I found my treasure – my genuine friends.  Those who are patient enough to listen to me until I got right back to my senses and those who, like my family, never said a word once it’s all done and over with. Those who are just sincerely happy that I’m back.

And I’m still catching up with them, taking time to eat lunch or dinner with them more often as possible. To watching movies with them. To sipping coffee. To getting on adventures and escapades with them. In my world, I’m surrounded with friends.

I’m still single because I’m still busy realizing my dreams.

In ‘our world’ before, I’ve given up my dreams so I could be there for you until you reach yours. And it never got me anywhere.

There, I was happy at times but there was always that emptiness within me. And when I stepped out of that world, all the stars aligned and in weeks’ time, I was right back on track, exactly the way I left it – very promising, and I couldn’t be happier. In my world, I have my own life to live and a great career to look forward to.


I’m still single because I simply can.

In our world before, okay, let me finally correct this. Before I stepped into your world, there will always be someone right after another one leaves. And that was always my story – how it always had been.

I read on my previous journals and I realized ‘our’ story was not my first story of loving all out, willing to give up everything. And maybe this is the lesson I kept on missing from each and every one of those.

So, I’ll be fair with my next.

I’m staying single, by choice, waiting for life to do its works and to unfold its wonders at its own time. And I’ll be fair with myself, too, loving all the aspects of my world without looking for anyone so that next time, when I finally bumped into someone who could build a new world for the two of us, without compromising any of our worlds, it will be my last.

See, none of this is about you. Time to snap back yourself into reality.

Love, Rikki.

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Why I Love ‘Friends with Benefits’ compare to ‘No Strings Attached’


I don’t know how we end up doing a movie marathon last night when my real reason for going to that 3-hour long way from home was to talk and discuss business. Yes, business.

Next thing we know, we’re so hooked up with what we’re watching (We started with Friends with Benefitsthat we had to literally pause (while No Strings Attached was about to start) and buy bottles of San Mig Light and Tanduay Ice at the nearest 7-11 store for a more heartfelt viewing experience. Chos.

But, really, beers and chips while watching movie – splendid! One really gets to connect even more to the plot and the story line – or not, maybe it’s just me. Haha.

Oh well, forgive me for being biased but here are the reasons why I love Friends with Benefits compare to No Strings Attached.

1. Mila Kunis as Jamie – she is just so adorable and so natural and so hot.

I saw both Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman in Black Swan but watching them separately this time gave me a chance to focus on each of them and here I can relate much or identify with Mila and her character here compare to Natalie. She really shined on this movie.

Jamie is a headhunter in New York who is so passionate when it comes to work and I think every female young professional can relate to her – driven and fun to be around with yet like any other girl – believes in a happy ever after.

Her basis for that is not fairytales, though, but hollywood movies, which is basically the same thing – less the gowns and the tiaras and other fairytale stuff but with these modern hot chick outfits that are to die for, really.


2. ‘Friendship is a Four Letter Word

What I liked about Friends with Benefits is the title appears naughty giving one the impression that it’s all about the benefits part. But the story is really about friendship and the love that comes out of friendship. Like what the tagline of the movie says ‘friendship is a four letter word’.

And it’s a mutual decision of both Jamie and Dylan (Justin Timberlake) to not involve emotion other than friendship because one is emotionally unavailable and one is emotionally damaged.

Unlike in No Strings Attached, although the title suggests holding back the involvement of emotions, the story’s tagline is ‘friendship has its benefits’ so this movie ended up focusing more on the benefits part.

And it’s mostly one way – only Emma (Natalie’s character) is holding back and who has lots of ground rules for her and Adam (Ashton Kutcher).

Learning: Love that comes out of friendship is more likely to result in a happy ever after ending because even without commitment or title or sex … friendship will work its way to keep that relationship and that connection. It’s a strong bond because in friendship, there are no pretenses and no fooling around.

3. They exposed some of the cliches in a relationship!

Break-Up Cliche:

a. ‘Let’s chill for a while’ – Synonym: time apart. Translation: break up. There’s no such thing as cool off these days. Cool off is a cliche.

b. ‘It’s not you’ – Hello, of course this will never be me. Do you expect these words to make one feel better? Duh! Cliche.

c. ‘Let’s be friends’ – Come on, how can you befriend someone who broke your heart? Maybe after a couple of years, but right after? Cliche.

d. ‘Let’s keep in touch’ – What for? And would he, really? Cliche.

And my most favorite one …

e. ‘I’m done with the relationship thing’ – Nah. No one will ever get done with the relationship thing. It will take time but you will always find one worth being into that relationship thing again. Check?

Love, Rikki.