Next month would be the third year anniversary of my singlehood and I do not see anything wrong about the whole set-up of not being involved commitedly to another person – until this afternoon.
Good Idea: Meeting up at our agreed meeting place at our agreed time. Nah, I’m kidding, I’m late.
If we were a couple, I’m sure he’ll get mad at me. And we won’t just meet there because most probably he’ll insist on picking me up at our house which will pressure me to bits that will limit my time to fix my hair or my clothes or whatever.
But we’re not, so he’s still all smiles upon seeing me.
Good Idea: I’ve my own plan after our date so I can do what I planned to do and he can do the same thing. No pressure.
Okay, there is – a little. He wants us to go somewhere else after that.
If we were a couple, I will most probably agree to whatever he plans next to avoid awkward silence between us while we’re together or to prevent ruining such a beautiful day like today.
But we’re not, so when I said no, he tried using his charms instead. Still, I pushed through with my plans – without him and without hurting him for not inviting him to join in.
Good Idea: No PDA moment the whole time that seeing some workmates unexpectedly didn’t bring any fuzz.
If we were a couple, I will just let him – hold me here and there and try not to care at all and just become embarrassed when someone we know see us like that.
But we’re not, so he knows he’s only allowed some accidental brushing of arms, a little and quick touch of my waist or my back, minimal number of minutes touching my hand.
Bad Idea: Helping him prepare for his out of the country trip knowing he’ll be gone for so long – fine, not that long, just two weeks.
If we were a couple, we’d probably go there together. Or If, situations do not permit and we really can’t, I can probably at least have him limit it to a minimal number of days – enough for me not to go crazy waiting for him.
But we’re not, so I just helped him with that and just asked him when will he be back.
Bad Idea: Missing him and missing everything about him after all what’s been said and done.
Him driving. Him carrying what I bought. Him being there patiently waiting and finding ways for me to finish my to do’s for the day. Him sharing laughs and stories with me – the teasing, the fun, the assurance that there is someone other than my family and friends who is just there for me anytime.
If we were a couple, all these things will be our norm.
But we’re not, so as much as I want to ‘demand’ all these things from him, I won’t.
And as much as I want to convince myself that I’m ready for commitment again, I can’t, because every time we’re together, I think of all these things – the good and the not so good reasons of staying out of it – when I should be just risking it.