I wish I could tell myself this is ‘just’ work over and over again and not forget it every single time but I don’t, and my heart’s crushed again and I keep on reminding myself instead that I’m doing all these for You, Lord – all you have showered me with I’m using for Your purpose. Heal my heart and lead my life, please – when to attach and when to detach, papa God. When to let go, let me know.
I’ve been coming home late almost every day since I started working again and every time I feel tired, I read this note I’ve written when I was still on a job-hunt mode:
August 24, 2011
I went home this morning from a sleepover at a friend’s house feeling so empty. Everyone’s rushing to go to work while I am just heading home. For them, it’s Monday again, THE day almost everyone dread as if the name itself has a curse. I can see the look on their faces. I’m sure I used to have the same look on mine but right now, I just can’t understand why one feels that way about that day.
I’ve no work and they have. Yet they look unhappy.
I’ve nothing to work on the whole day while they have a chance to work their way on their future. Yet they look exhausted.
I’ve nowhere to go almost every single day and no one to talk to until my friends got off from work while they have a sure third place where they can see and interact with people they can also consider their extended family. Yet they look not interested.
I ‘envy’ them for having something that I am looking forward to these days but they don’t seem to appreciate and put value to it. If only I can make them realize how blessed they are for having work, maybe they’d be as excited and as driven as I picture myself to be when I finally have one again.
Promise to self: I’ll love Mondays and I’ll welcome Monday with an overwhelming drive and passion. And I’ll treat every single work day a blessed day. I only have to always remember that somewhere out there, there is one person who is so like me right now, who would trade anything just to be given a chance to experience this and to start his own success story.
Work – come to me, please! I promise I’ll treasure and put more value to you more than ever now that I know how it feels like to be so deprived of you. Come now, come soon. I’m so ready for you. Love, Rikki.