Why It Is and It Is Not a Good Idea to Stay Out of Committed Relationship

Next month would be the third year anniversary of my singlehood and I do not see anything wrong about the whole set-up of not being involved commitedly to another person – until this afternoon.

Good Idea: Meeting up at our agreed meeting place at our agreed time. Nah, I’m kidding, I’m late.

If we were a couple, I’m sure he’ll get mad at me. And we won’t just meet there because most probably he’ll insist on picking me up at our house which will pressure me to bits that will limit my time to fix my hair or my clothes or whatever.

But we’re not, so he’s still all smiles upon seeing me.

Good Idea: I’ve my own plan after our date so I can do what I planned to do and he can do the same thing. No pressure.

Okay, there is – a little. He wants us to go somewhere else after that.

If we were a couple, I will most probably agree to whatever he plans next to avoid awkward silence between us while we’re together or to prevent ruining such a beautiful day like today.

But we’re not, so when I said no, he tried using his charms instead. Still, I pushed through with my plans – without him and without hurting him for not inviting him to join in.

Good Idea: No PDA moment the whole time that seeing some workmates unexpectedly didn’t bring any fuzz.

If we were a couple, I will just let him – hold me here and there and try not to care at all and just become embarrassed when someone we know see us like that.

But we’re not, so he knows he’s only allowed some accidental brushing of arms, a little and quick touch of my waist or my back, minimal number of minutes touching my hand.

Bad Idea: Helping him prepare for his out of the country trip knowing he’ll be gone for so long – fine, not that long, just two weeks.

If we were a couple, we’d probably go there together. Or If, situations do not permit and we really can’t, I can probably at least have him limit it to a minimal number of days – enough for me not to go crazy waiting for him.

But we’re not, so I just helped him with that and just asked him when will he be back.

Bad Idea: Missing him and missing everything about him after all what’s been said and done.

Him driving. Him carrying what I bought. Him being there patiently waiting and finding ways for me to finish my to do’s for the day. Him sharing laughs and stories with me – the teasing, the fun, the assurance that there is someone other than my family and friends who is just there for me anytime.

If we were a couple, all these things will be our norm.

But we’re not, so as much as I want to ‘demand’ all these things from him, I won’t.

And as much as I want to convince myself that I’m ready for commitment again, I can’t, because every time we’re together, I think of all these things – the good and the not so good reasons of staying out of it – when I should be just risking it.

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Saturday Thoughtsy: When You Feel the Weakest…

… it is when the power of loving is at its strongest.

Loving the strangers you happen to pass by throwing punches at each other by making an effort to look for policemen while everyone else was just watching even if that caused your being late on the last day of your training.

Loving the old lover who never get tired waiting and asking for a second chance by finally recognizing all the efforts and the patience and the love he was showering you from the start up to these days, almost ten years in the making.

Loving the friend who treats you like an enemy by making her feel loved despite all the accusations and wrong judgments, you still want the best for her and you still consider her a friend.

Loving your colleagues by finally opening up a little, one mini-carnap/hijack-ride-lambing at a time.

Loving the dear dear friend who always stay with you no matter what the weather is by being honest and by sharing and entrusting all your deepest thoughts and deepest feelings as if you two are just one.

Loving the daddy who since you were young provided for all your needs and for all your wants by surprising him with a takeout early dinner that only the two of you shared over daddy-and-daughter catch-up session.

Loving the mommy and the little sister by sharing all your blessings so the two of them could spend quality time over shopping and not worry about anything else by taking care of what they’ve left behind.

Loving all the people you’ve come in contact with until evening by sharing some smile, uttering sincere thank you’s, empathizing with whatever it is they’re feeling.

Loving and then loving some more. Because during our weakest, God’s love is at its strongest. We only have to share it, to show it, and to speak of it.

As Gretchen Rubin identified in her Happiness Project , her Twelfth Commandment is this: ‘There is only love’. There.

Words Only True People Who Love You Would Dare Say: No. 4

Must be the full moon tonight, I dared open these pages again. Just getting a glimpse *wink

‘Baka kasi you are justifying your need for him. And na siya yung nagbibigay strength sa’yo. Kaya siya yung lagi mong nilalapitan. For all you know, ready ka na pala mag-let go. Pero pinipigilan mo sarili mo. It’s too early to say. Give yourself time talaga and pray nga. Don’t try looking for answers, kasi pipilitin mo lang yun. Magiging clear din ang lahat’

Words Only True People who Love You Would Dare Say No. 3

Hello, love month! I was browsing through my Facebook newsfeed tonight when I saw a post from my org sis and I really wanted to hug her sooo tight after reading the whole thing.

The situation looks familiar but although I somehow think I know how she feels, I’m sure it’s different and it’s unique to her, no one can really tell it’s exactly the same.

You see – every heart story is like that, one of a kind – as well as its heartbreaks and its bliss.

But there’s also something so strange that connects each story – and that is love at its purest form of loving. I’m sure every heart that loved so sincerely and so purely knows and understands it.

So, here, dear Tuhtah (Tata), a friend told me this when I was at the ‘same’ phase that you are currently in. These words made a difference to me, hope this helps:

‘Di talaga magiging madali yan. It will take time. Depende sa’yo kung gano katagal dahil ikaw ang magdedesisyon kung tatapusin mo na ba ang misery mo o hindi pa. In the meantime, iiyak mo lang ng iiyak. Ubusin mo. But at the end of all your crying, each and every time, tell yourself and believe that everything’s happening for a bigger, better purpose. Yes, it won’t be easy, but that too shall pass’

Love, Rikki

Not Because I’m Still Single, I Still Have Feelings for You

There. I hope I have made myself clear this time.

I really have no intention dealing anymore with anything that has something to do with you but I just heard from a friend this morning that you are still making a big deal about some things. So, I sincerely hope this stops your illusions so you, too, could move forward with your life. I long already have, so please, help yourself, too, it’s more than a year, ‘boy’.

Not that I still care about you, it’s just that I already want to be completely out of any picture with you. It’s like wanting my life back when our paths haven’t crossed yet – it’s just that this time, my circumstances and my life are way better, happier. And I already thanked you a million times in my mind and in my prayers for making me realize this.

So when something like this pops out, like a friend suddenly telling me you said this and that and she still thinks this way about it … please, just please stop dragging me back to that world I already managed to step myself out from. And in case you’re still trapped in that time and at that moment, deal with it like a man – on your own. Like I said, without dragging anyone, without involving me again. Please.

I haven’t really spoken to anyone what really happened between us and as much as possible, I would like to keep it that way. Those who were involved need not hear it all over again and it would be unfair for you if I tell it to those who weren’t there because they will never be able to hear your side. You know how much I always wanted to be fair.

Since you still think things in my life now still have something to do with you, here:

I’m still single because I’m still getting the hang of knowing and loving myself more.

In ‘our world’ before, I traded everything I have for you. So, literally speaking, it’s more like me stepping in your world the whole time.

Because then I didn’t know I am capable of being happy all by myself. I always thought I needed someone, I thought I needed you. But while staying there in your world, I found my strength. Strength that I never thought I was capable of. But, you see, I pulled through and now I’m not scared to push myself more to my limits so I could understand myself better. In my world now, me matters. There is me.

I’m still single because I still haven’t fully made it up with my mommy and daddy.

In ‘our world’ before, I fully realized how one’s family really shapes up a person.

While there, in your world, I couldn’t be more thankful for the greatest revelation of my life: my being blessed with a family who doesn’t judge and who are caring enough not to take sides and for treating us as mature individuals capable of thinking this through on our own.

They didn’t get themselves involved but they were always there, letting us handle it our way the same way they were there when we both decided to get into that until that day I came back. They’re simply there – no questions, no judgments, no pointing out the mistakes they knew we were committing from the start.

And everything makes sense, and I’m still making it up with them. Just being here – no longer running away from them. In my world now, this long lost daughter was finally found.

I’m still single because I’m still taking my time reconnecting with the wonderful people I have almost taken for granted in my life.

In ‘our world’ before, away from everyone that I know and I love, I almost lost these great, great people.

While there in your world, I realized how spoiled I am for having all these people I left behind and how I have taken them for granted. While there in your world, too, I found my treasure – my genuine friends.  Those who are patient enough to listen to me until I got right back to my senses and those who, like my family, never said a word once it’s all done and over with. Those who are just sincerely happy that I’m back.

And I’m still catching up with them, taking time to eat lunch or dinner with them more often as possible. To watching movies with them. To sipping coffee. To getting on adventures and escapades with them. In my world, I’m surrounded with friends.

I’m still single because I’m still busy realizing my dreams.

In ‘our world’ before, I’ve given up my dreams so I could be there for you until you reach yours. And it never got me anywhere.

There, I was happy at times but there was always that emptiness within me. And when I stepped out of that world, all the stars aligned and in weeks’ time, I was right back on track, exactly the way I left it – very promising, and I couldn’t be happier. In my world, I have my own life to live and a great career to look forward to.

 

I’m still single because I simply can.

In our world before, okay, let me finally correct this. Before I stepped into your world, there will always be someone right after another one leaves. And that was always my story – how it always had been.

I read on my previous journals and I realized ‘our’ story was not my first story of loving all out, willing to give up everything. And maybe this is the lesson I kept on missing from each and every one of those.

So, I’ll be fair with my next.

I’m staying single, by choice, waiting for life to do its works and to unfold its wonders at its own time. And I’ll be fair with myself, too, loving all the aspects of my world without looking for anyone so that next time, when I finally bumped into someone who could build a new world for the two of us, without compromising any of our worlds, it will be my last.

See, none of this is about you. Time to snap back yourself into reality.

Love, Rikki.

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Differences: A Tale of Two Love Stories

I rarely catch up on my friends these days but when I did go online last night, I happened to be a witness of this turning point of the love stories of my two closest friends and my emotions were literally split between them.

L wants to chat on FB but I suggested we use Google Talk instead. While waiting for her to go online, I saw C’s available so I started a conversation to really check if she’s there. And she replied and opened it with what happened between her and K just before that. I was so sad knowing they almost ended it – and felt sad even more knowing what could have been the reason – differences that they managed to handle well for the last four years.

And then L on the other chatbox was so excited and was so happy because her long-distance love is on his way from Australia to spend the whole week with her here. And she can’t even describe how excited she was knowing he’s already boarding the plane and will be here early in the morning. I was as excited and so happy for her because I’ve long seen her that happy and she deserves it.

My emotions were on a rollercoaster all those times – I can’t help not to feel for both of them at the same time – one is a relationship that is being tested after years of shared commitment and loyalty and  the other one is a three-month long distance relationship that is just starting and will yet have to stand the test of time and proximity. Bottomline – all parties in these two relationships made a compromise because in the end, it’s still their love that weighs heavily than their differences.

Funny thing is, C and L also ended our chat at the same time and for the same reason – sleep.  C excused herself  because her head already hurts from crying while L needs to sleep in preparation for A’s arrival.

So while they both try to doze off, I, on the other hand was left with a lot of thoughts to ponder on and I literally can’t sleep. Is love really braver at the start – willing to take any risks and everything? Is it more meaningful and more real when there is already pain that comes in loving someone so much that sometimes, making a difficult decision is no longer optional but necessary? How long can compromises keep up and make up for the differences?